it starts with your hands
My own empowerment was a difficult process.
For a long time I had trouble receiving or showing myself to someone, asking for something I needed? No way! I was far too afraid of rejection and judgement. No then I it is better to give, that also felt much safer, doing as much as possible for others and hoping that it yields something, maybe even love. Of course it doesn't work that way but my brain thought it did, only when I learned how to feel my own boundaries and indicate them, and that it's ok to ask someone to do something for you without anything in return or a feeling of needing to give back because you I thought It should be that way only then I could truly receive something for myself.
Giving something to someone is a gift, we do it because we want to do it for the person who asks but within our own limits. Without a clear agreement it is often difficult to get exactly what we were asking for. We get either too little or just way too much, maybe even crossing our limits when we think about it later on. It often happens in such cases that we end up in a kind of freeze state, we just let it happen or we think I am mostly getting what I asked for, I only get a little more so it's not that bad is it ? or the person is trying real hard , I would feel guilty if I say stop or no.
In this way every time we give away a little piece of ourselves, every time we don't set our boundaries we give a little part of our power away. The power to stand up for yourself, to be able to say yes or no, to indicate our limits, to express our desires, to stop being ashamed of who we are inside.
Boundaries create freedom.
Once it is clear to both persons what has been asked for, what is going to happen and who it is for (a clear agreement), the one who is allowed to receive can really deeply relax. This also applies to the one who is giving, he or she knows exactly what is required of them and does not have to worry about whether what they are doing is the right thing. Communicating with each other in this way may seem scary and difficult to do, but the opposite is true, in this way a clear picture of boundaries is created in which it is clear to everyone what is and is not allowed, and between those boundaries lies an immense playing field of pleasure.
Together we will work together on consent, empowerment and the nervous system. We can only really relax when our nervous system relaxes. And that starts with being able to feel yourself and your own pleasure.
optional Sexual Empowerment